easiest way to an odd number of socks, drop one in the toilet. Hooray for tuesday....

i want to hear Monty's engagement song...

is it bad to compliment the Drive thru lady?

double sausage egg mcmuffin across the sky... so intense.

morning garlic breath. Unstuck an envelope with a whisper from my stank...

my friend may be a NYer soon...

its hard to think in metric

thesaurus.com - synonym for singleness: wasteland

friendship is kinda like racism in a good way

some how sue sylvester made it into my dream. Curses!

my mom doesnt like my "beached whale" impression

my mom doesnt like my "beached whale" impression

are you practicing passive-attraction?

oh gosh its been 29 years of eating fried rice.

its 50 F outside, my striding white legs are blinding pedestrians, my arms are flapping in a jogging rhythm, and it feels like im trying to upchuck a

what do you call a triple crown and gravy fries?

Fountain valley: Newness of cars is directly proportional to the slowness of the people who drive them.

delirious me put the cereal in the fridge, and the milk in the pantry. Aye-ya

Our waiter caught me making "Tyrannosaur thumbs"

is it weird to be attracted to people that only exist in your dreams? I hit on one last night

"i see invisible people"

vid chat increases my chins x 3

old morning man with way worst posture jogs faster and longer than me

dear morning tim, do not be tempted to eat "seafood pate", cat food is made for cats.

Im going to be rich when they figure out how make cars run on cat poop.

my glasses make me realize how big my head is

my toes look like tater tots

need to choose a new glasses look....

These 2010’s are giving me choice fatigue…

staring at KFC website burns my retina

my hip joints feel like worn ball bearings

half a pizza woke me up at 5am.

"my voice seems loud to me". Coworker: its because of the echo inside your head; cuz of all the empty space D:

itunes keeps recommending Taylor Swift to me :( STOP RECOMMENDING COUNTRY ITUNES STOPPP

goodbye late night, hello tired morning...

if its possible for skin to "breath", then my feet are being choked by my socks.

Shampoo is like showering with strawberry coconut milk.

Coworker: You got a really good haircut. You look really really good. Like a Brush.

steve jobs is going to take overrrr your life

butchers forgot to chop my lunch meat. I have oscar meyer "chunks"...

runners at 7AM: me, married couples and chunky people with dogs.

my barber thought i was going to join the army...

i run kinda like a three legged elk

This week I lost a jacket, my lunch, and my shoes. Hello, I'm 6.

eric is a meanie sneak.

it rhymes with swendy's

he swung his arms freely leaving the conference room....

im a girl-hater sugar dealer

i cant afford anymore people falling in love

rainy days smell like ugly dogs

today i am ashy larry

no stryker future

I ate 2 rolls of ritz. should i feel bad?

i felt really fat the other day and realized I was wearing two sets of pants

i think i lost my sass * snap *

i predict my future wife will divorce me once she watches me floss

listening to emo music during crunch time at work increases the desire to stick my head in the milling machine.

I'm the dumbest of all my friends

yesterday's shame: ate a whole loaf of bread

correction: the metal vendor is not "my homie"

how do girls stand nail polish remover? I'm officially intoxicated...

strawberry milkshake, gumdrops, boat nectar?

dreamt i was attacked by killer kalbi. Woke at 4am with a stomachache.

my friend locked me in the stairwell

science says it all: stress = too much pressure small areas

bread sandwich strikes again.

great jumpin burritos i dont fit my suit

help me! im vanilla and i cant stop.

dont shave in a hurry. I am minus 1 pimple today.

about me: "in case you haven't noticed, you've become like a rare pokemon"

my armpits are fat

if you give a mouse a cookie... you probably have rodent problems

i walk crooked when im stressed

Hush up and look at the magic gumbo!

They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken. ~Author Unknown

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. ~Charlotte Whitton

Truth

On a traffic light, green means go and yellow means yield, but on a banana, it's just the opposite. Green means hold on. Yellow means go ahead. And red means, where the heck did you get that banana at?

I'm against Picketing but i dont know how to show it

The thing that's depressing about tennis is, no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

Googling "Road to Seoul restaurant" returns a food court in Korea

work is like fruitcake for xmas. Its intended to be useful, and enjoyable, but ends up taking forever to finish and makes you sleepy.

im pretty sure the smarter version of my brain is down there too http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v687/comic_foxtrot/largeimageft100808.gif

beware of the fist of justice!!!

this is love: i like having someone with me if they aren't talking to me.

I hate being inconsistent. Sometimes...

... and this guy is a total waste of protein

why is it so easy to be a creeper/heeb, but tough to be a normal nice person?

its not stalking if its love

the phone guy setting up a new line sounds like he's strangling Wall-E in the closet.

When you grab a sweater because its cold, its good to check to make sure you didn't grab sweat pants on accident.

I cut my nails too short. Typing is now weird.

why are dental cleansers good on the tongue, but bad in the stomach? what a tease.

if you think you are cool, chances are you are a jerk.

is my nose getting bigger?

Scary asian lady staring at me an ralphs. I stalked her back. It was a cardboard cut out. FAIL

TOGOS >>>> Subway.

Whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger. Not lifting weights doesn't kill me. Therefore not lifting weights makes me stronger.

There is nothing sadder than a mosquito sucking on a mummy. Give it up little guy.

Geo is full of surprises

to smartphone, or not smartphone, that is the question....

Stef: i'mma punch you in the face

Changing my personality

I pronounce breakfast with an extra "r" (breakfrast)

whats better than a Chicken McNugget? 20 of them.

dont prank a tired girl. Shoulder = ow.

my company's A/C is set on: SWAMP BOG

My doorknob is a lot like an indian burn. it takes a lot of twisting.

i should not have done those mcNuggets...

my body doesnt know what to do with hummus

one of the skittles i nabbed on hte floor was squishy. it was a spider. hooray :(

my car was stolen!.... then i realized i parked it on the other side of the street....

The Value of Ideas

From Dilbert Blog.

My Google Alert recently picked up a lot of chatter on the Internet about a rumored Dilbert movie in the works. The rumor is ahead of the reality, as the project hasn't been funded, and there isn't yet a director, writer, or actor signed on. But I was fascinated by the reactions of the many movie web sites that weighed in with their opinions on whether it was a good idea to create a Dilbert movie.

What?

Evaluating whether an idea is good enough for a movie is a bit like an automobile expert saying a certain brand of car doesn't taste good. It's absurd. You can only hold the opinion that a particular movie concept is a good or bad idea if you don't understand what a movie is or what an idea is.

For example, here's the world's worst idea for a movie: Titanic. It did okay at the box office.

Movies are good or bad because of execution, not concept. Even outside of the movie realm, ideas generally have no economic value whatsoever, except in rare cases such as when a patent is issued. And even in those cases it's the patent law that creates the value, not the ideas.

The self-appointed movie critics went on to point out that Office Space was already a movie, so there was no room left in the universe for a Dilbert movie. That's a bit like saying there's no point in creating a romantic comedy because someone already did that one. It's a fundamental misunderstanding of what a movie is.

I've long been fascinated by the common human illusion that ideas can be sorted into good and bad, when all experience shows this not to be the case. We could play the game all day long where I describe a simply terrible idea and then tell you about the people who got rich implementing it just right. Let's try a few...

How about a comic strip that is literally a bunch of stick figures? It will be called XKCD and have no discernable characters. Done! It's the most viewed comic on the Internet.

How about a movie about two gay cowboys? Done! Academy Award!

How about a comedic TV show about a Nazi concentration camp? Done! It was called Hogan's Heroes and was a hit in its time.

How about a Broadway musical about a bunch of frickin' cats? Done!

You'd be hard pressed to come up with an idea so bad that it couldn't succeed with the right execution. And it would be even harder to imagine a great idea that couldn't fail if the execution were left to morons.

Ideas are worthless. Execution is everything.

If it feels like fate, its probably stalking

kid had a ponys for a bday. no joke. Outside my house. Really.

me and my cousin are ranked

a bunny, an iron giant, and a ponyo go to Popeye's Chicken...

how many weekends will i be visiting in June? all of them.

im running out of friends to watch "dragon" with ...

should not have done the midnight popcorn

i used my home address for a business contact. Sigh. Wednesdays....

from the mouth, the heart speaks: YAWN!

rubio's fiesta bowl is a bigger party than i thought

i only trimmed my left hand fingernails.

Per Dilblog.

Like a Night Watchman

Jan 25, 2010 | General Nonsense | Permalink

When you lack a particular skill, you are often curious what it would feel like to have it. For example, I marvel at people who can sing in key, or even recognize the right key when they hear it. I suppose it's more about feeling the music than thinking it. So I wonder what that feeling is like.

My little window of talent involves selecting the right words to make things sound either funny or compelling. I'll get to that in a minute.

My job also involves drawing, but that's not so much a talent (obviously) as it is a simple skill that I developed through practice. If I have any talent in that area, it involves knowing how to make the drawings fit the way I write. I could draw in a lot of different styles, albeit just as poorly as the one I use now, but my current style might be the only one that fits my writing.

Let's forget about the drawing part of my job and talk about word selection. In that area, I can actually feel a sensation that is like no other in my life. And I wonder if it is what musically inclined people feel when they write the perfect melody, or what athletes feel when they are in the zone.

I can literally feel words. And I wonder if it is a mild form of synesthesia, a condition where people have a form of crosstalk in their senses. A person with synesthesia might perceive certain words or numbers to have colors. Or they might perceive a particular month or a year as having something like a personality or a location.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synesthesia

My relationship with words is that I can feel them more deeply than most people. At least that is what I think is happening. To me, the word aura feels beautiful, but when I see osso bucco on a menu, I feel as if I have been slapped by a crabby skunk.

By the way, I experience the words "osso bucco" the same way I experience the words "crabby skunk." The words and their meanings are completely different, yet the feeling I get from them is the same. I probably store those words in the same parts of my brain.

I'm reading Andre Agassi's autobiography, Open. I assume it is ghost written, since Andre is barely educated, he says. My first reaction to the writing style was that it is heavy handed, and it bothered me. In time, I realized the writing style evoked the same feeling in me that Agassi evokes as a public persona. It was a perfect match. I assume Agassi's publisher hooked him up with a world-class ghost writer, and it shows. The writer found a style that fits the subject, probably leaving a lot of writer's ego at the curb. It's brilliant work. The book is fascinating.

People often ask how I get into the writing frame of mind. To me, it feels like being the night watchman in a museum. My job is to make sure all the doors are locked, and the blinds are pulled, and the lights are out. As a writer, you need to shut out all of the distractions from your other senses. I make sure I'm not hungry, tired, uncomfortable, or listening to anything. Then, like the night watchman, I go room by room with my flashlight until something scares me, surprises me, or makes me laugh. I have to feel something. And when I do, that's the part I keep. Then I wrap up the inspiring words in ordinary words, to form sentences. That part is more craft than art.

Writers tend to work early in the morning, or late at night, when brains are naturally able to focus deeply on one thought. In the middle of the day, distractions are unavoidable. I wonder if anything worthwhile has ever been written in the afternoon.

new favorite word: Voluntold

you are what you eat: cheesy

be encouraging, stupidhead

cynicism sucks!

who stole my treasures in heaven?!!

yes. i used to play D&D

sharpies are makin me high....

hand thought water bottle was full of heavy liquid. hit myself in the face.

had + ate = hate, I FAIL

"Barbeque. Is like chocolate. For men." - Anthony Bourdain

Other's people flickr makes me want to buy a camera

i love mexican food, but apparently last night's tosadas isn't loving me back

Note: Stephanie shortens to Stef. Stephen doesn't.

im pretty sure Popeye's strength doesn't come from popeye's chicken

FAIL: I made a sandwich with 1 piece of turkey and 3 pieces of bread

New rule: order SMALL curly fries

Do the right thing? Thats for losers

Is your apple rotten? Smell it, Poke it, or like me, Find nasty bitter bits in your mouth

What is this nonsense!

Today's Nap turned into tomorrow

30 min Epoxy: 1 part Clear stuff, 1 part yellow stuff, mix together vigorously, product: snot

I have too much food.

What does Winnie the Pooh, and John the baptist have in common? Middle names

i went home 3 times. forgot my lunch. forgot my glasses. forgot to lock the door.

Nod and Smile = I have no clue what you just said

Geo named my thighs

A lot of Blonde girls want to be my FB friend. Should i be worried?

I must be hungry, bit my lip 3 times in one day

Lucky Pants = Greatness

I think i volunteered for something that I dont want to do

I still look like Jay zee

Once you learn to recognize the connection between attraction and curiosity, it's like having a mild form of ESP -Scott Adams

An absorption of information with no actionable plan, will induce social constipation

Would I date someone taller than me?

Green razor blade? It doesn't look rusted at all...

Cookie Cutters: we use them to make parts

Why not take care of the little things first?

New thing of the day: I hate sun Chips

My gas cap is not my butt, mitchell.

My gas cap won't close. Wonder if that's a bad thing....

People keep leaving car wash and auto repair cards on my car, i wonder if thats a hint...

My gas cap won't close, i wonder if that is dangerous

Another day, another 25 lbs. of jasmine rice

The Cat food smells better than mine

Cat Medicine, in cat ear, via ....my finger

"Who's that deep manly voice?" - customer

Your don't have baby cheeks, you have cheek butt

My Viet Barber wants to make me a popstar

It's 5am. I smelly like Glue

jay zee got a job (not rapping)

TIM = Tivoli Identity Manager

I believe in excessive moderation

I did not ever use steroids. Except for now

I want to stab my mid section

its 3am: itch attack

there's always those fatal flaws

32L legs + 30L pants + crew socks = ankle chills

Girls are weird.

the only thing that my ruler cannot measure is my capability of losing measurement tools

my desk is a black hole for sharpies

If your actions speak louder than words, then maybe you aren't yelling enough

Does using a phone to keep track of my life, calculate my bills, and look for information make me a Cyborg?

My brain has space for 4 things with out using paper

The last hour is always the longest.

I am allergic to my bed

I have a disease called buddy and corey

China: We make things cheap