bread sandwich strikes again.

great jumpin burritos i dont fit my suit

help me! im vanilla and i cant stop.

dont shave in a hurry. I am minus 1 pimple today.

about me: "in case you haven't noticed, you've become like a rare pokemon"

my armpits are fat

if you give a mouse a cookie... you probably have rodent problems

i walk crooked when im stressed

Hush up and look at the magic gumbo!

They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken. ~Author Unknown

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. ~Charlotte Whitton

Truth

On a traffic light, green means go and yellow means yield, but on a banana, it's just the opposite. Green means hold on. Yellow means go ahead. And red means, where the heck did you get that banana at?

I'm against Picketing but i dont know how to show it

The thing that's depressing about tennis is, no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

Googling "Road to Seoul restaurant" returns a food court in Korea

work is like fruitcake for xmas. Its intended to be useful, and enjoyable, but ends up taking forever to finish and makes you sleepy.

im pretty sure the smarter version of my brain is down there too http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v687/comic_foxtrot/largeimageft100808.gif

beware of the fist of justice!!!

this is love: i like having someone with me if they aren't talking to me.

I hate being inconsistent. Sometimes...

... and this guy is a total waste of protein

why is it so easy to be a creeper/heeb, but tough to be a normal nice person?

its not stalking if its love

the phone guy setting up a new line sounds like he's strangling Wall-E in the closet.

When you grab a sweater because its cold, its good to check to make sure you didn't grab sweat pants on accident.

I cut my nails too short. Typing is now weird.

why are dental cleansers good on the tongue, but bad in the stomach? what a tease.

if you think you are cool, chances are you are a jerk.