"my voice seems loud to me". Coworker: its because of the echo inside your head; cuz of all the empty space D:

itunes keeps recommending Taylor Swift to me :( STOP RECOMMENDING COUNTRY ITUNES STOPPP

goodbye late night, hello tired morning...

if its possible for skin to "breath", then my feet are being choked by my socks.

Shampoo is like showering with strawberry coconut milk.

Coworker: You got a really good haircut. You look really really good. Like a Brush.

steve jobs is going to take overrrr your life

butchers forgot to chop my lunch meat. I have oscar meyer "chunks"...

runners at 7AM: me, married couples and chunky people with dogs.

my barber thought i was going to join the army...

i run kinda like a three legged elk

This week I lost a jacket, my lunch, and my shoes. Hello, I'm 6.

eric is a meanie sneak.

it rhymes with swendy's

he swung his arms freely leaving the conference room....

im a girl-hater sugar dealer

i cant afford anymore people falling in love

rainy days smell like ugly dogs