thesaurus.com - synonym for singleness: wasteland

friendship is kinda like racism in a good way

some how sue sylvester made it into my dream. Curses!

my mom doesnt like my "beached whale" impression

my mom doesnt like my "beached whale" impression

are you practicing passive-attraction?

oh gosh its been 29 years of eating fried rice.

its 50 F outside, my striding white legs are blinding pedestrians, my arms are flapping in a jogging rhythm, and it feels like im trying to upchuck a

what do you call a triple crown and gravy fries?

Fountain valley: Newness of cars is directly proportional to the slowness of the people who drive them.

delirious me put the cereal in the fridge, and the milk in the pantry. Aye-ya

Our waiter caught me making "Tyrannosaur thumbs"

is it weird to be attracted to people that only exist in your dreams? I hit on one last night

"i see invisible people"

vid chat increases my chins x 3

old morning man with way worst posture jogs faster and longer than me

dear morning tim, do not be tempted to eat "seafood pate", cat food is made for cats.

Im going to be rich when they figure out how make cars run on cat poop.

my glasses make me realize how big my head is

my toes look like tater tots

need to choose a new glasses look....

These 2010’s are giving me choice fatigue…

staring at KFC website burns my retina

my hip joints feel like worn ball bearings

half a pizza woke me up at 5am.